For each day that passes, I am aware of how quickly time slips away. There have been so many changes in my life (and the world!) these past few years that sometimes I get a little overwhelmed just thinking of them. Nothing makes you confront age, time passing, and mortality than realizing what has been invented since you were born, the family members and friends that have passed on, and the adjustments you have to make or accept because of age.
I am the second of four sisters and wherever I go, I meet someone who knows me as "one of Bud and Shirley's girls." I am not sure I would know how to BE without being a sister and certainly many of the older folks can only remember the four of us as "one of the sisters." Some might be bothered by this, but for me, it is a comfort, a rhythm that repeats itself over the years and keeps me grounded as to my place in this universe. Of course, I am now a wife and mother, but I was a sister from the moment I was born.
Birth order is a funny thing. I read the books that tell you how you are supposed to be based on birth order and they make me smile. Even though I have an older sister, I have always been placed in the role of oldest sister and expected to help fix catastrophes, rescue those that need rescuing, and generally doing whatever needs to be done. I am blessed that my next sister down is only two years younger than me and has always been my best friend and cohort in getting done whatever needs to get done. We support one another a lot, argue a little, and love one another fiercely.
My oldest sister had a stroke at 45 after undergoing surgery. She was able to gain enough independence to go back to her home after a while, but a couple of years ago, she was felled by another stroke. This time, things were to change forever. She could not provide any care for herself and had to go live with her daughter. My wonderful niece has provided 24-7 care for her for several years, but now my sister's health is now a little more unstable and she has had to be moved to a nursing home. What a painful decision this has been for my sister, my niece, and my family. It is certainly the RIGHT decision, but that does not make it any easier- particularly for my poor niece. My sister is 56 years old and will spend the rest of her life in a nursing home. The reality of this is just stunning for all of us. My niece struggles with this reality, even though I know deep down that she knows it had to be, both for my sister's sake and for her sake. Doesn't make it any easier though!!
I guess where I am going with all this is that if you don't have a written out, talked out plan for your family about health-care choices, life-care choices, end-of-life choices .... don't delay, do something about it now! When we are young, we tend to think "oh, I have lots of time, I don't have to deal with that now". Well, that is not necessarily true. My sister was only 45 when she had her first stroke and only a few years over 50 when the next stroke hit. We are NOT guaranteed any one moment of time ever.
Of course, there is no way we can foresee everything that might happen in life, but you can certainly get your head out of the sand and prepare for a time when decisions must be made or already be in place. Get a will, make a living will, gets papers pulled together that affect decisions. Talk to your family and let them know exactly what you are asking of them if the time comes when you can no longer make your own decisions about what care is given or when to end all care except comfort care. It is not enough to just believe that your family will just KNOW what to do when such a time comes. Most of all, give them "permission" to do what must be done, with the full knowledge that you know they are doing the best they can and that you wish them no guilt for the overwhelming choices that must be made sometimes.
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